Hammer Horroe Metal

Holy, God Damn, Jesus H Christ what have I been given to review here? On first listening its one of the worst cds I’ve had to do so far in my short and fledgling reviewing career. A car crash of an album if ever I heard one. I'd rather listen to Venom, and that is saying something, especially if you know me, or my Venom review. Back to the review shortly....

Vampyrouss is a crap name and it comprises of a group of blokes with even crappier names - for instance, Kazraine Ruthven Maars, Vocals (VOCALS! He doesn’t even sing), Narration and Prose; Azreal Kintobor Gexen, Grand Orchestration (GRAND for Gods Sake!!) and composition; Padraich Anthony The Lange, Rhythm Guitar; Robert Rothschild Rochelle, Six String Bass; Baron Rejon Munchausen, secondary soundscapes (come off it you bulb! You’re a Keyboard player!). I can't fathom out if they are trying to be mysterious and interesting, no doubt compensating for being called Trevor, Colin, Nigel, Arthur and Norman, or going for the highest scrabble score in existence! On top of all that, they are from Devon. I take it then that the reason for the ‘talking’ vocal style hides a style of singing with a Bideford accent, see TV’s Doc Martin for evidence (pronounced Mar-ten for stereotypical regional drawl ). Instead Kazraine has gone for a morbid spoken narration style in place of getting in a ‘proper’ singer. (I’m getting all worked up just writing this review).

Apparently ‘A Dark Desire’ is described as ‘A tale of Witch hunts, loss of faith (and from me), revenge (me again), Vampyrism and lust, set across hundreds of years through the eyes of a broken and desperate (me again) aristocrat whom makes a deal with the Devil....’
‘You Web’ has a ‘Cradle of Filth‘ style to it, to be totally honest I’m upset with myself just for making this comparison. It could easily be found on the soundtrack to a Rob Zombie film. Vampyrouss happily slip from electronic synth driven Darkwave into some sort of Neo-Classical piano and strings, or even spoken word. They aren't a band that believes they should have guitars, drums etc in every song unless it's relevant and they’d rather create something that feels natural and emotive than songs with no point or meaning. Emotive? It made me cry that's for sure. Drop the vocal style and the music isn’t too bad, in fact its quite listenable in a movie soundtrack kind of way, but as a whole its definitely not for me

Sorry guys, as the ultimate break up line goes..."its not you , its me" I just don’t like music that is inspired by artists like Mortiis, Theatres Des Vampires, The Morgue, Cradle Of Filth, Vangelis, Brian Eno and The Prodigy. I'm all ‘classic rock’, proper singers, verse / bridge / chorus with proper melodies, belting riffs and guitar solos to die for. Perhaps someone more fitting/abynormal should give it a go. Apologies!