... so I'm like totally freaking out about all this important work I've got to do. We're talking serious stuff here, tasks that need completing if I'm to have any chance of earning that 17K per annum wage packet that I so desperately need, meetings to organise, rooms to sort etc. when I receive one of those important e-mails, y'know... the ones with READ RECEIPTS. I click open... "pull your finger out ... CD's are the property of record labels and must be surrendered on request ... it makes the site look unprofessional etc... etc...". ARRGHHHH WHAT AM I DOING?!?!?!?! I'm so far behind on everything and I'm trying to lift myself out a totally uncreative depressive spell. I need to complete the new J-Level album quick smart or I'll get fired and the whole of the internet will collapse! The kids won't know who to turn to for advice on which records to spend their hard earned pennies on and it'll be ALL MY FAULT. Ok I'm exaggerating slightly but the life of a pseudo music-journalist / full-time administrator is pretty darn hectic.
I take a deep breath, press play on the remote and slip into comfy, default music journalist mode. What route shall we take today, shall we seek solace in sarcasm, maybe we'll rake over the ashes of the uninspiring press release or better still let's achieve that all important word count by including a few choice quotes.... "Having started to listen to alot of downbeat / psychedellic music I was inspired to start producing music that came more naturaly, music that i didnt try to fit into a genre". Wow, that's like totally deep, he even spelt psychedelic with two l's and invented new word "alot" on his myspace bio. A cursory glance at J-Level's myriad influences (there's a whole big list here – http://www.myspace.com/jlevel) tells me I'm not going to like this record. The sleeping grammar pedant in me tells me I'm not going to like this record, and GUESS WHAT?!?!?!?! I DON'T LIKE THIS RECORD. I BET you didn't see that one coming. I've never liked psychedelic-house-y-dance-type-music and probably never will. I'm sorry Mr J-Level (can I call you "J"?) I'm not qualified to review this record but THE MAN will be on my back if I don't fulfil my quota and it'll fill your press cuttings book up a tiny bit more if nothing else.
If I'm totally honest I'd rather write about the excellent David Peace book "Damned Utd." or perhaps jot down a few more ideas for my clichéd chick-lit novella (true fact). Alas this is the card you've been dealt and it's a harsh one, but life is harsh my friend and not everyone gets what they deserve. Take me for example; I got your new album when I wanted the Lucky Soul debut (out now sixties inspired indie pop fans!). There's no point crying about these things though, so let's you and I pick ourselves up and move on. I've got a day job to be getting back to and you've got a record to promote (out now on Thirteen Records!).