Does God owe his bookie money or something?
The Boo Radleys have a lot to answer for. Not only did they compose perhaps the most infuriating song in the history of popular music (I surely don't need to name it for you - and by the way, before you start arguing with me I've taken the existence of "Ebeneezer Goode" into account) - they also let Chris Evans use it as his signature theme on the Radio One breakfast show. If one song was goddamn guaranteed to ruin your morning with crushing fatality, it was that one. "Wake up it's a beautiful morning" - no it bloody isn't. I've got a shit job, no money, no girl and it's pissing down with rain.
Paperlung (don't tempt me) was formed in a bar at Victoria Station while waiting for trains (so it would seem that British Rail's lackadaisical approach to accurate scheduling is to blame for this travesty of a band), by ex-Boo Radley/Billy Corgan doppelganger Sice (again, don't tempt me) and Simon Gardiner. They then enlisted the help of Guillaume Jambel and Ben Datlen (no clue) and hit the stage a full two months later.
Take a pinch of The Feeling, add a soupcon of Keane, throw in a dash of Shed Seven and garnish with The Bluetones and you've created an unpalatable, gloopy cocktail called Paperlung - a tipple that indubitably causes headaches, nausea and, if imbibed in substantial quantities, violence toward small woodland mammals.
"The Days That God Sold You" is one of the worst songs I've ever reviewed for Room Thirteen - and bear in mind that it was I who endured the heinous "Eve of the Battle" by The Isles. This track is a sickeningly formulaic melodic ramble with a production so heavy you'd think your head had just been clamped between Dawn French's thighs. Add in Sice's annoyingly twee vocals and insipid lyrics and you've got the sure-fire winner of the "Chris de Burgh Award for Achievement in Boring the Fuck Out of an Audience" right there.
As "The Days That God Sold You" has been released as a 2-track single, I should give you an appraisal of "A Cautionary Vision of the Future" but as its very title has done that for me, I'm not going to. I'm off to firebomb badger warrens in Devon instead.