If Russell Watson is 'The Voice', who the hell is this joker?
Windmill is Matthew Dillon. Matthew Dillon has possibly the most whining fucking voice I've ever had the misfortune to hear. If that sounds a somewhat superficial and fickle appraisal to read straight off the bat, then get outta here. You're not going to like what's coming next.
If the Taliban were on the lookout for a clandestine agent of destruction, I advise them to look no further. Some singers possess a vocal range that can break glass. They've got nothing on this guy. Dillon could obliterate Canary Wharf from twenty miles away. And if you're struggling to fathom why most live venues now serve drinks in plastic cups only, I reckon it's because they'd heard Dillon's demo and were rather concerned about the cost of replacing all their glassware if they booked him.
Anyone seen the movie 'Twins'? Oh, yes you have - don't try and deny it. You know the scene in which Danny De Vito talks about the artificial insemination machine that combined the sperm of six men? I think he refers to the finished product as a "sperm milkshake". I reckon Dillon was created in much the same way - and I further postulate that three of the fathers were Neil Young, Ben Folds and Brian Molko. In addition, it would appear that the poor unfortunate forced to endure puncture from the turkey baster was Joey Lauren Adams - the chick from 'Chasing Amy' - a woman armed with a nasal vibrato of such gruesomeness, my ears had to be syringed after I left the cinema.
And so I think we've covered the voice - how about the music? Dull...very dull. So dull in fact that halfway through 'Tokyo Moon', I really needed distraction and set about re-pairing my socks. No joke.
'Tokyo Moon' is a pretty dire, gloomy piano ballad featuring multi-tracked vocals (see above for how I feel about that notion - or if you can't be bothered - it's "Aaaaaaaaaaargh!"), that is neither spank-you-in-the-face-exciting or gently-fondle-your-cheek-seducing. It's just a bit dreary and as lyrically interesting as a slice of toast done on one side.