New wave shitty…
I have no recollection of going out last night, drinking until I’d forgotten my name, and then being beaten and stripped of my will to listen to music anymore, however putting this EP ‘New Wave Hippies’ on by Columbus, Ohio’s crazy untalented sons Psychedelic Horseshit, makes me think that I’d rather be gang-banged by a group of hairy nuns than be forced to listen to this for long periods.
I admit that in my youth I dabbled in making my own music by stealing back beats, and playing instruments that I had not a clue as to how to get a tune out of them, however the difference is that I knew what I was doing was ultimately shit. Psychedelic Horseshit don’t. Some might say that they have a tongue-in-cheek humour, and perhaps this is a joke, but really, the truth of the matter is that I would be happy to see Matt (guitar, keyboards and vocals) and Rich (drums) led down to a rat infested cellar, tied down and have cheese spread over their eyes whilst the rats have a loving feast.
The intro song (and I use that phrase as loose as my underpants) is called ‘Dub Gaze’ and is in a category of it’s own called Very Shite Music. As far as I can tell the duo are tuning up their handful of instruments. None of the music goes together and so comes across as raw, disjointed crap at very very best. The only plus side is that this only makes the EP title track, ‘New Wave Hippies’ sound mildly acceptable. There are lyrics and for the most part the drums sound as though they might be in tune, but the keyboards…well, these have a mind of their own and sound like that are fighting with themselves…Personally I’m not a Beatles fan, but I’m standing on the top of my house and shouting out, “Help! I need somebody! Help!”
‘Portals (5am Demo)’ is almost an okay song, which proves that the band are possibly better at 5am, however once again the keyboards stomp in halfway through and totally wreck everything. It’s not like they are melodic, as they gatecrash the song in a God-awful face-pinching deep scrapping synthesiser sound…I’m almost shocked at the guitar riff at the beginning of ‘Silent Speed’ however, Matt proves he must’ve been the sort of kid that went around urinating on people’s school books as he then plays another guitar over the top which proves only that he is capable of ruining anything even remotely good with the songs. Later I’m not sure whether it’s the guitar riff or the drum beat that is out but it’s makes for an uncomfortable ending…
‘Magick Defends Itself Pt3’ is recorded almost like it’s playing on a gramophone and with a slow drum beat, talking lyrics that sound like you’ve got a radio on in the background, and gentle guitar, this is the most inoffensive song here. That said it all merges into one long noise near the end…
Remember the Kit-Kat advert from about 15 years ago when a band is trying out for a record company and the last line is, “You can’t sing, you can’t play, You look awful…” he snaps a Kit-Kat finger and adds with a smile, “You’ll go a long way…!”, well trust me whilst I don’t know what the band look like, I can say that they play awful and they will go no further than their bedrooms…
Psychedelic Horseshit are totally, utterly and musically horseshit. It’s not just a name, but a band description. Be warned.